Contemplating today how almost anything can get easy with practice.
Rory had a friend over after school yesterday. The boy's mum dropped him off (we hadn't met before) and commented immediately on my pregnancy, asked how everything was going and said "so this is number three?" Without even thinking about it I said "no, number four". I realised straight away that she had only seen two children here, which was why she assumed this was my third child, so I told her that our daughter was stillborn last year so this is number four.
When we first moved here and I was starting to meet people at school the question of how many children we have was just a polite conversation point. The first time I was asked was so difficult to deal with. I started to say that I had two, but I simply couldn't leave it at that. It felt so wrong. So, with my heart pounding and my voice and hands shaking I instead said that I had two children at school and that I'd had a daughter last year who was stillborn, so I have three children.
And now here I am, six months after that and saying that this is my fourth pregnancy and child just rolls off my tongue without thought. It actually takes me a moment to realise that it causes a little confusion when people only see me with two older children.
About Me
- jenmm
- I'm very excited to be in a wonderful relationship, boring as that probably is to everyone else. We became an instant family with my two children and Michael's cat and very soon set about adding to our number. I'm a stay-home mum to our children and am doing a BA with a History major at UNE. My third pregnancy ended in the stillbirth of a beautiful girl in November 2009.
I had this recently as well - a couple of weeks ago I told two people this was my second pregnancy but that my daughter had died when she was four days old. It was the first time I'd just told someone without crying. But in a way that made me feel awful as well.
ReplyDeleteMaddie x
I know what you mean. It was actually not until the next day that I even realised I'd said it without thinking and that it had been fine. And that in itself was a... strange... feeling. Got me thinking about how you can get used to things that seem impossible to ever live with.
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