I went for a swim this morning and it occurred to me that when I'm swimming I feel like my body is working and doing what it's supposed to do, which has been a struggle for me since Kat died. I'm up to 16 laps now, four fifths of the way to my goal of 20 laps. And I've lost 2kg this week, which is my goal to lose in a month. I'm pretty pleased with the accomplishment and I feel proud of myself - but I still can't come close to saying I feel 'happy'. I wonder sometimes if I ever will again. Then I think, just not yet. This is Kat's time and she will have it.