I'm counting the days (10 to go) until my first ultrasound for this pregnancy. I'm getting a little anxious about it and keep thinking - I hope everything's OK. Please let there be a heartbeat. Then I remind myself that before every ultrasound I've ever had I was expecting to hear bad news. Of course, now I've experienced hearing the worst possible news at a scan and that becomes a two-pronged thing going into another one. On one hand, as long as there's a heartbeat and everything more or less in all the right spots, nothing could ever be as bad as "no heartbeat". On the other hand - what if? Is everything going to be OK this time? I keep telling myself to relax. It's like a mantra - don't stress, don't stress, don't stress, don't stress. Every time I feel sick (which has really settled down again after just one bad day) I get a rush of - OK, I feel sick, I'm still pregnant, bub's still hanging on. Every time I don't feel sick I worry that it means bub's..... stopped. Every time I go to the toilet I expect to see that I've been bleeding. Even having said all that though, I'm still surprised that I'm not more nervous than I am. I really do still see what happened to Kat as something that happened TO KAT, not to us and I know that there isn't any reason to think it will happen again. Still nervous about getting into that ultrasound and not seeing a heartbeat though....