I went for a blood test today - the first step apparently before having the nuchal fold ultrasound. They do a blood test three days before the scan. I've spent the day teary and shaky. I cried in Coles for the first time since the first time I went there after Kat died. That day it was because walking around Coles was so... normal. I had a lot of trouble dealing with normal at first. So much of my life was routine as usual and all I wanted to do was scream and cry that my baby just died. Today it was emotion bubbling over about going through the medical processes of pregnancy. I was really shaky before my last doctor's appointment too. Otherwise I'm feeling pretty good and positive, but doctors appointments etc make me shake.

The day wasn't helped by being in the situation for the first time where I didn't tell someone about Kat. The woman who took my blood asked if this was my first pregnancy and I told her it's my fourth. Her response was "oh my god, you're STILL going back for more?" I'd already been teary on and off and I knew that if I said at that point "well, actually, my last pregnancy ended in my daughter being stillborn" I'd sit there and cry. And I didn't really want to. And this woman was laughing and I knew it would make her feel really bad and it just seemed easier to let it go. I felt awful. It turned out she has twins and was extremely sick, throwing up every single day of her pregnancy including in the theatre when they were born at 34 weeks. So for her, pregnancy was a horrible, one-off experience. That's where it was coming from. It's just that it was the first time I've ever just let it go and not told someone about Kat. I didn't like it.